Always busy, constantly pushing, working hard to improve our life, our lifestyle. A prettier house, more room in the budget, better ways to spend time with the kids. This is the story of my mindset most of the time. Until, recently, I experienced an unsparing lesson in valuing our little moments and hours.
I spent the total- yes, the total- of my time and energy for an entire couple of weeks organizing my best agenda of tasks and goals ever. If I could get it all right, we’d be in a perfect situation in just a year or two. We would be realizing our dreams, it would be success.
Then my daughter asked me to read her a story, and I realized, I had not read her a story in a week. A week of my planning ahead, researching to be sure my goals were what I wanted, organizing my to-do lists…. and I forgot to even read my children a story! I felt absolutely terrible, of course. Something very real set in, though. Although in my mind this was not the ideal time, it was only the early stage of working to reach that perfect time, to the children it was just the right time. For a story, for them to learn, for us to play, for me to teach them love. I realized that their childhood is now, and I would not get it back!
When I would dream of being a mom, what I envisioned was simple and free of practical concerns- like, well, where I would plant my money tree- and honestly it was comprised in my mind purely of snapshots of peace and nurture. Now of course the reality of parenthood has concerns, like keeping us fed and making it to our doctor’s appointments, but how easily I skip and miss out on those snapshots! The tiny moments are so valuable, and like I said, I have unconsciously avoided them entirely for at least a week at a time. I want that week back.
So, while still planning for the times ahead, and knowing that growth requires care and attention as well, I am trying, trying, to keep these small moments as the precious pearls that I seek, so that I can tuck them away in memories as each one forms our life right now. After all, these are dreams realized right here, before my very eyes.